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Remember when we had a jokes thread?

Bubblegum21

Posted 3:35 am, 09/03/2021

My dad said people shouldn't get ribbons just for participating because it rewards them for losing.

So I took down his confederate flag.

kayla23

Posted 2:51 pm, 08/26/2021

A man went to his doctor

Doc, my anus hurts, can you help?

Doc says, what do you mean? How exactly does it hurt?

Man says, right here at the entrance, it's always sore and bleeding!


Doc says, well, I think that's going to continue happening...

... as long as you think of it as the "entrance!"

kayla23

Posted 2:35 pm, 08/09/2021

Two reasons why the police here cant solve any murders

1. Everybody's DNA matches

2. There are no dental records

Robeson

Posted 7:07 am, 08/09/2021

this is such a change of pace....keep it going...love it....!!!

kayla23

Posted 3:17 pm, 08/08/2021

Everybody knows that Jesus drove a Ford

Thats why he had to walk everywhere!!

Bestill

Posted 4:38 am, 08/08/2021

Three Elderly Sisters

Mary, Anna and Josephine, live in a house together. One night Mary runs a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells down the stairs "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

Anna yells back "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses.Then she yells "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

Josephine is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says "I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks on wood for good measure.

She then yells "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door".

Acumen

Posted 9:18 pm, 08/07/2021

Are you trying to tell me that Mike, CONRAD, old lady, Albert, tman have been serious all along?????

antithesis

Posted 6:07 pm, 08/07/2021

Jesus drove a Honda, He just didn't talk about it.

"For I did not speak of my own Accord"
- John 12

He'll use it to pick up his Apostles, too:

"The Apostles were in one Accord"
- Acts 5

His Dad drove a classic Plymouth, though...

"And He drove them from paradise in his Fury"
- Genesis 3

But Moses? He and Joshua were bikers...

"The roar of Moses' Triumph was heard throughout the hills"
- Exodus 15

"Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land"
- Joshua 6

antithesis

Posted 8:36 pm, 08/02/2021

At Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

antithesis

Posted 9:24 pm, 07/31/2021

A man is recovering from surgery when the nurse comes in and asks him how he is feeling.

"I'm OK, but I didn't like the four-letter word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

"Oops!"

Gnorts, Mr Alien

Posted 3:54 pm, 07/31/2021

I don't know if poop jokes are the best thing on GoWilkes?

But they have to be a solid number 2......

Gnorts, Mr Alien

Posted 2:18 pm, 07/30/2021

A traveling salesman goes to the door, and a little boy answers.

"May I speak to your mom?" asks the salesman.

"She's busy," the boy replies, "she's out back having sex with a goat."

"That's a terrible thing to say about your mother! Take me to her right now!" cried the salesman.

The boy takes him out back and, sure enough, the lady and the goat are fooling around.

The salesman felt really bad, and said, "I'm so sorry I called you a liar, little boy, but doesn't it bother you that your mom is having sex with a goat??"

The kid replied... "NAHHHH"

Bestill

Posted 5:47 pm, 07/25/2021

So this Irish guy walks into a pub and orders three pints of beer. When he finishes, he orders three more pints. The bartender says, "You know that beer goes flat when it sits, so better to order one at a time." The guy replies, "Well, I used to drink with my two brothers. One moved to Australia and one moved to America, so I do not get to see them much. We decided this is a good way to carry on a family tradition".

The guy becomes a regular and everybody gets used to his strange drinking habit until one day the guy comes in and asks for two pints. The pub goes silent. The bartender walks over and says, "I do not mean to pry, but condolences on your loss". The guy looks confused and then laughs saying, " Oh, no, everyone is fine. It is just that my wife had us join a Protestant church and now I cannot drink anymore. My brothers are still Catholic so it's ok."

centurion

Posted 3:59 pm, 07/25/2021

Two London businessmen sit down in a restaurant and a waitress comes over to take their lunch orders, after having taken their orders the waitress leaves and one turns to the other and says "did you notice that waitresses accent?" The other replies "yes Welsh wasn't it? I can't stand the Welsh they're a nation of whores and rugby players." His lunch companion responds heatedly "I'll have you know my mother is Welsh." The other replies "Oh what position does she play?"

troll

Posted 11:15 am, 07/25/2021

Do you know the difference between a Light Bulb and a Pregnant woman??

You don't know??

You can unscrew a Light Bulb

Bestill

Posted 7:25 am, 07/24/2021

So my mom said I could not go to see the orchestra! She said there was too muck sax and violins.

JC

Posted 9:04 pm, 07/23/2021

A man walks in to a bar and orders a whiskey.

When the bartenders gives it to him, he takes it to the bench in front of the bar to drink it.

As he's enjoying his drink, a nun walks by and glares at him sourly. "How can you pollute your soul with the Devil's drink like that?"

The man shrugs. "It's not the Devil, it's just whiskey."

"But it's sinful and wicked!"

"How do you know it's so bad? Have you ever tasted whiskey?"

"Of course not," the nun replies. "My sisters and Mother Superior told me how evil drink is."

"But how do they know? Have they ever had a drink?"

They go back and forth like this for awhile, before the nun finally relents. "Well, I suppose that if I were to try a sip of whiskey, I would better understand how it corrupts the soul. But it wouldn't do for any of my sisters to come by here and see me drinking. Could you order me one in a teacup?"

The man agrees that this is fair, and walks inside to the bartender.

"Two whiskeys, but put one in a teacup, please."

The bartender slams his hand down on the bar and shouts, "is that **** nun out there again?!"

Bestill

Posted 5:27 pm, 07/20/2021

So this new guy at the office, Bob, is driving everyone nuts because anytime anyone mentions someone's name Bob says "oh yeah, so and so, I know him…blah blah blah" so finally he gets called into the bosses office and the boss says, "Bob you are a good worker but you are driving everyone nuts!" To which Bob replies, but I do know a lot of people!" The boss thinks and says,"I bet you do not know Tom Cruise and Bob says, "Tom and I go way back and let's go ask him!" So they drive to Tom Cruise's house and knock on the door. Tom opens the door and says, "Bob! Dude! How have you been long time no see come on in and have a beer and let's catch up.

Next day nursing a hangover, the boss says, "Well that was a fluke, I bet you do not know the president of the. US!" So they jump on a plane for DC and take a White House tour. Suddenly,, a door opens and out walks the president in a big crowd of folks. The president turns and sees Bob and says, "Bob! You should have called! Cancel that meeting with the world leader! Bob and I have some catching up to do!"
Short story long, the boss says, "OK! But I will bet a million dollars you do not know the Pope!" To which Bob replies, "Let's go to Rome!" So they go and are standing in a large crowd waiting for the Pope to come out on the balcony and Bob says, "Maybe he cannot see from there. I am going inside and will come out of the balcony with him, don't worry, I know the Vatican guards, wait here."
After a bit, here comes the Pope with Bob onto the balcony and the Pope cancels the blessing to catch up with Bob.
When Bob returns he finds his boss being loaded into an ambulance, having fainted. What happened?" Asked Bob. The boss says, "Well, when you came out on the balcony, I was standing next to group from Brazil and they were so excited! One of the Brazilians said, "This is the most exciting day of my life! But who is that dude standing up there with Bob?"

chendo

Posted 5:17 pm, 07/20/2021

midget jokes?

QueenDoubleWide

Posted 5:04 pm, 07/20/2021

Blonde jokes ok? What about hillbilly jokes?

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